지난 며칠간은 그저 악몽을 꾸는 듯 합니다.
아니 차라리 악몽이었으면 좋겠습니다.
 
범인의 신상이 발표되는 날 그 충격이 가시기도 전에
뭔가 무슨 말인가 해야만 한다는 마음에
교회 홈피에 들어와 생각을 가다듬었지만
결국 아무 말도 할 수 없었습니다. 
가슴 저 밑바닥에서부터 올라오는 슬픔과 아픔이
그 때마다 절 마비시켰기 때문입니다.
무슨 말을 어디서부터 시작해야 할지 몰랐기 때문입니다.
그 심경은 지금도 별반 다르지 않습니다.
 
권용구 집사님, 생각과 마음을 잘 정리하여 올려주신 글 고맙습니다.
애도의 뜻을 표하는 리본을 올려주신 최명천 집사님, 고맙습니다.
뒷글을 달아주신 여러분들 고맙습니다.
 
아내가 권 집사님이 소개한 어느 교수님의 글을 영어로 요약 번역하여
MSNBC 블록에 올린 글을 여기 인용합니다.
그것은 크리스찬이 아닌 사람들이 보게 하기 위한 글이기도 하고
마비되어 아무 글도 쓸 수 없는 저의 지금 심경을 잘 표현하고 있기 때문입니다.
그리고 무엇보다도 이 일을 통해 "Where do we go from here?"
'지금부터 우리가 어떻게 살아야 할지'를 조금이라도 생각하게 해 주었으면 하는 바램이 있기 때문입니다.
 

아내가 이곳 아틀란타 지역의 EM 목회자들에게 보낸 이메일:
     On behalf of Korean- Americans and as a leader in the Korean community, I want to convey that there are no words that can describe the grief and pain that we are experiencing. 

     Although Cho was a mentally disturbed student filled with anger and rage, we as Korean- Americans feel the responsibility and the burden. We bear the burden of the massacre and of finding ways to prevent this type of tragedy from happening again.

My heart is concerned with dealing with the underlying causes of this tragedy and that I hope that this will be a wake up call for all Korean -Americans. I read a prayer letter which was written by Korean professor and was posted on our church뭩 website by one of our church members. I will summarize it for you. 
     Cho immigrated to <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />America at the age of eight; the parents owned a dry cleaning store and worked six days a week, 12 hours a day to survive and make the American dream come true for their family. His sister graduated from PrincetonUniversity and we can safely assume that she was the pride and joy of the family. Cho was articulate and sensitive enough to major in English at VA Tech. During these years, we can imagine the feeling of isolation, the identity crisis, and the rejections resulting from the things that were happening around him.  Because he showed altruistic behavior, his mother took him to a church. Her son's behavior was her prayer concern and her reason for going to a church. The pastor describes Cho as a loner who had no relationship with other children. (What if a concerned person had approached him and showed him love and attention?  What if someone just played with him on a playground? We just failed to make a connection with one person?but the price we have to pay is fatal).

Most Koreans are in shock and fearful of retaliation. Especially, now as we are having a revival in our Korean churches since we are celebrating the 100^th year of Christianity coming to Korea. This incident is not deterring us from having a revival, but rather is radically changing the direction of our thoughts.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

Father, forgive us.

One soul, one life is very precious in your sight, regardless of his origin and it is our job to care for and cultivate the life.

 

Father, give us a repentive and grieving heart and help us to see your pain and help each one of us embrace in our hearts. Help us to see our nakedness and offer our cleansing heart as a sacrifice. Moreover, give a grieving spirit in all of us and because of the grievances, you may be comforted.

 

(다시 아내의 글)
I am a Korean -American who came to the United States in the seventh grade and has lived here for over 34 years. I have been a social worker and as a pastor뭩 wife for twenty years. For seven years, I practiced in Family Therapy. I wept for a long time after reading the prayer letter. Tears just kept coming and I did not want to stop because of the pain I felt for the families of the victims and Cho뭩 family and for the American community as a whole.

 

We need to learn from this and start looking around for hurting people and really need to take good care of our family. All children must be loved but the problem is that they do not feel loved. Know your children. Some children can learn to survive in harsh environments but some don뭪.

---- 

 
주님
무관심과 이기심에 사로잡혀 사는 우리를 용서하옵시고 긍휼히 여기시며 자비를 베풀어 주옵소서.
 
주님
모든 유가족들을 위로하시고 마음의 상처를 치유하시며 모든 부상자들을 쾌유케 하시고 이 나라를 고쳐주옵소서.
 
그리고
주님
승휘의 어머니를, 그의 아버지를, 그의 누이에게 자비를 베푸시고
온 세상이 저들을 손가락질할 때 주님이 당신의 품에 꼭 안아주옵소서.
 
그러나 무엇보다도
주님
이 땅에 있는 모든 이민가족들의 자녀들,
특별히 1.5세들을 지켜주옵소서.
우리의 눈도 열어주시고
우리의 가슴도 열어주셔서
저들의 아픔을 보게 하시고
저들의 짐을 나누어질 수 있게 하옵소서.
그것이 우리가 지고 가야 할 십가가이게 하옵소서.
 
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